Wheasus: The Ultimate Religious Billboard in Kansas

In general, I'm not a fan of religious billboards. I just don't think they change anyone's mind. I mean a "Jesus is Watching" billboard next to the adult bookstore is not savin' any souls and when I'm driving down the highway and see an anti-abortion billboard, it simply makes me angry. These issues are just more complicated than a slogan or bumper sticker. I also don't think religion should be worn on one's sleeve. It's a private affair between you and God/the Goddess/Nature/the Universe/Not-God.

Religion and politics aside, I'm completely fascinated by this billboard. WTF, Kansas? It's like Children of the Corn, but with Jesus in a wheat field.

The actual art is alright... I mean we all know it's Jesus holding onto some wheat, but it looks like Jesus' head and hand are growing out of the field!

It's intoxicating, this... Wheasus. I would argue it's a bit dangerous... I mean, you're driving by it going 70 mph, but can't tear your eyes away from the weirdness. Don't worry, I actually went to the field to take the photo, so no drivers were almost harmed in the production of this photograph.

If this wasn't a billboard, I would totally send it to the "Museum of Bad Art" and if you haven't heard of MOBA, well, enjoy:

http://www.museumofbadart.org/collection/unseen-12.html

Holy! Holy! Holy! This tomato is holy!

Allen Ginsberg left out the earthy, homegrown, heirloom tomato in his litany of holiness in "Footnote to Howl", but if he were here, he would totally get it. This is it. This simple, gorgeous fruit disguised as a vegetable, plucked out of the backyard, gently washed, and savored. It is holy.

 

I fell in love this summer. I fell in love with my garden. It's such a weird thing to say... a hard thing to say with out seeming cheesy and melodramatic, but it's absolutely true. It amazes me that, with the smallest amount of effort, I was able to produce a large quantity of food in what turned out to be hostile ground.

It appears my yard was filled with throw away dirt. Dirt filled with little pieces of plastic and garbage, sandy dirt with minimal nutrients. I didn't have many pests this year because, as Uncle J pointed out, my yard was a wasteland. Yet, I added about an inch of compost and an irrigation system to a nematode infested desert and something grew. Not everything made it. Not everything produced a ton of veg, but it produced beyond my expectations. Even my stunted little apple trees produced this year... and the apples were tasty!

In the mean time, I learned a lot about nurturing something and watching it grow. One of my friends expressed hesitation to start a garden due to the work involved, especially the weeding. I worried about that, too, until I started doing it. Weeding. Weeding was kind of a pain, but considering what the garden produced in the end, it was worth it.

Over the summer, I noticed I talked about my garden the same way people talk about children. I'm sure the same rules apply to most things we discover a passion for. We know the results will be worth the sacrifices, annoyances, and frustrations we have to go through to get to the good parts. I see this tomato and I think, "I created this. Isn't it amazing?"

At the same time, I know I can't take all the credit. I just put the seed in the ground, gave it some tools, and the sun, earth, water, and seed did the rest. We did it together. I nurtured it and, then, it nurtured me.

When I weeded, when I talked to the plants, when I reaped the bounty of harvest, I felt connected, grounded, amazed, euphoric, peaceful. I know the garden gave me more than food because that connectedness is priceless. I mean, I haven't found it in many places.

Perhaps it's because I don't have much control over what I eat due to my job... I feel disconnected from food most of the time- it's a chore to eat at 90% of the restaurants I visit for work. Maybe that's why eating a squash from my backyard seems so magical. I know exactly where it came from and what it took to create it. It doesn't get any more local than that, does it?

Allen Ginsberg wrote, "I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness, starving hysterical naked, dragging themselves through the negro streets at dawn looking for an angry fix..." Maybe his generation just needed to start a garden. Don't do drugs, kids. Grow food. And read stuff once in awhile.

Nematoded! When bad things happen to good carrots.

Imagine my surprise as I began to pull out mature carrots and discovered these alien creatures. I knew something had gone horribly wrong, but had no idea what happened. Luckily, Uncle J was there to school me on... NEMATODES. 

Nematodes are microscopic worms that live in soil. Bad nematodes do weird things to your veggies. However, there are good nematodes that kill the bad nematodes. So, I've purchased some good nematodes to spray over the entire backyard, which should prevent this problem from happening next year. Let the great Nematode War begin!

In the mean time, we're eating the carrots. That's right... we're consuming these weird little beasts. They taste alright and make for an excellent stir fry. I've decided one thing about the garden that is universally true- most things that look strange or odd are usually benign.

Take this oddity for example:

"What the eff is that thing?", you're asking yourself. Well, it's the shell of a cicada. Apparently, it's hatching time for cicadas or at least it was a few weeks ago. We got part of the cedar fence up just in time for cicada bugs to crawl out of the ground, up the fence, and metamorphose from a brown wingless insect to a green winged beast.

So, my dad and I were working on the fence when Jim came around the corner and said, "A cicada just emerged from its shell." Intrigued, I went to check it out and found this:

The brown thing is literally a shell of an insect and the green object is what used to be inside the brown thing. What the what? Nature is fascinating and strange and creepy and cool...

... and smart. We unknowingly provided the perfect place for the cicada to hide while it was drying out or recovering from its transformation or whatever else it was doing before flying away and making a bunch of noise. Later, I found two more insect shells in the same area, but I was too afraid to touch them. Completely illogical, but true.

Fence-tastic!

The following images are the views of my backyard when I first bought the house. If you look closely, you can see a 3 ft high chain link fence at the back of the yard,


the same chain link on the side of the yard that faces the highway,



my neighbor's, well, ugly looking fence on the other side, 

and the shed with the rotted out foundation.


You may also notice that my back yard is absolutely ginormous. Ever since I bought the house, I knew I wanted to have a wood privacy fence. It would improve the view while I spent time in my yard and, hopefully, muffle some of the noise from the highway. However, I thought the building of the fence would be a long way off.

My Uncle J had planned to visit and put in some shelves in my reading/craft room. At some point, he told my dad that I wanted to build a fence. Then, it was all over. My dad and uncle decided to help me build a most awesome fence.

Here is stage one:

Already a huge improvement over the chain link.



As I write this, the fence is almost finished. My dad came down one weekend and helped get the majority of it done. I learned about leveling.

My uncle has been spending more time building gates and working on the highway side of the fence, which he curved to make a greater wind barrier. It also adds some aesthetic appeal, which we will enhance with landscaping.

Next project: prepare a pad for the new shed. Next next project: apply compost to entire backyard. Oh, did I mention? The entire back yard will be a garden next year. I plan to grow everything from wheat to garlic. Also, there is talk of varying my livestock from composting worms to bees. BEES! I'm so freaking excited for next year.

Livestock Edition: Effing Composting Worms. How do they work?

Before I knew her, my friend R went on our favorite radio show (Too Beautiful to Live) and encouraged people to begin their own worm farms. It planted a seed in my head even though I was an apartment dweller with no need for soil at the time.

As soon as I bought my house with the intention of having an organic garden, I knew I would have to get some composting worms.

If you have an interest in creating some good soil for your garden or potted plants and/or want to reduce the amount of waste you throw into a landfill, then composting worms are an ideal solution. They take up little space, are relatively inexpensive, and can be kept indoors.

You can make your own worm bin for under $50, but I chose to go with the Worm Factory, which I bought at Ace Hardware for under $100.


It came with stacking bins, a spigot for collecting "worm tea" (a nutrient rich water, used as a fertilizer), bedding... basically, everything you need to get started, except for the worms. You can order the worms directly from Ace or search for another seller online.

The ideal worm for composting indoors is the red wiggler. They don't like sunlight and they like to live together in clusters. Earthworms are not good because they like to be away from other worms. It's not a good idea to dig up a bunch of worms from your yard and throw them in the bin.

After the worms are settled in their home, the rest is pretty easy. They just need to be fed once in a while, be given some airspace, and be kept moist. I worried over the worms at first, which didn't make me very popular with the worms (they don't like to be disturbed by bright light) and I found it's pretty unnecessary.

It takes months for the worms to make enough castings (i.e. worm poo / soil) to put in the garden. I'm basically waiting for next year to use the soil.


When I told him about the worms, my Uncle J said I now have livestock. That cracked me up... it's probably the only livestock I can handle, but it's perfect for urban dwellers.

Colt & Gray

Amazing restaurants abound in Denver. I didn't really appreciate it until I started traveling through Kansas and Nebraska, where the chain restaurant is king.



Some of you have already heard my drooling account of Colt & Gray, so I thought I would post a couple photos. This is my fancy martini and the beet burgers. The buns were surprisingly sweet, the beets finely chopped, and goat cheese made a flavorful condiment. Culinary perfection in a small package.



I can't stop thinking about the joy of eating Bacon Cashew Carmel Corn.



I'm not a big fan of swine- if I never ate another pork chop, slice of jamon, or pork rib, I wouldn't cry about it. Seriously, I'd shrug my shoulders and head for the chocolate fountain. Bacon, though, bacon is the exception. Yet, shockingly, I thought I was over bacon. I mean, it's the ubiquitous restaurant ingredient of the moment. This dish totally changed my mind.

After that, I was so distracted by the Roasted Marrow Bones, Cavatelli, and Caramelized Banana Tart with Chocolate-Hazelnut Crust that I totally forgot to take pictures. You'll just have to go there yourself.

http://www.coltandgray.com

The post should end there, but I have to put in a word for the knowledgeable servers who are enthusiastic about the food. Our waiter LOVED the food. LOVED it. I can't blame him because I loved it, too.

What are you waiting for? Get your ass over there.

Small Things Are Cute- Even Veggies

You can't deny it- this squashling is damn cute.




Carrotlings and beetlings had to be thinned out, which made for a great salad with deer tongue and flame lettuce.




This tomato plant gets it. It's producing like gangbusters... the others are more cautious.



Like this guy:



"I think I'll start with one tomato. Don't want to get all crazy with it."

I think the wind destroyed one plant- it doesn't look so hot, but I'm afraid to pull it out just in case it sneaks in some Miracle Grow when I'm not looking.


The winter squash is making a break for it. It's totally my fault for not giving it better boundaries and more space. Next year, I'll put more into our relationship.



The cilantro grew and produced lovely white flowers while I was on the road neglecting the garden.



The bees like it, as you can see, so it's going to stay for awhile. All my peas inexplicably died. The eggplants and some of the peppers have yet to flower. I wonder what August will bring and if I'll have anything besides lettuce, green tomatoes, and squash.